Desparation
It is not easy to finally understand why people did not like me as much as I loved them. I loved people, and always wanted to be with them. Why? Because my family was small and my parents did not play with me. My brother was busy with his friends, and did not want to play with a girl.
In grade 6, I got to know and became very close to two people. Their names were Cheryle and Sammy. They were the two people I liked much more than any other people in the whole class. Cheryle was super funny, but she was from a poor family. Sammy was rather good-looking and rich. I always walked home with them because their houses were along the way to my home, but theirs were nearer to the school than mine.
On the way home, we would just go to videogame store to play together, and because I had some money for taking a motor-taxi home, I often used it to pay for the videogame and ended up walking home. Sometimes, I even paid for English class for Cheryle so that she could study extra class with us. Sometimes I even stayed at Cheryle’s house and play with her sisters. I felt lonley most of the time and began to socialise with them. I sometimes stayed at Sammy’s house as well. I just didn’t want to go home because I didn’t have anyone to play with. Or nothing to play with.
Playing with people too much for too long created the feeling of desparation. I would try to find ways to please them, making them happy so that they stay with me longer. Just a bit longer, I thought. I would be very upset when they had to leave me for home or when I had to walk home alone. I was a desparate kid.
In grade 7, Cheryle got a new bike and she loved it very much. One day she left it downstairs, and she asked me to look at it. I peeked from the house above to check but the bike was gone; it was stolen in a blink of an eye. Cheryle stopped talking to me, telling everyone in the class that I was the cause of the bike loss. However, her mother said it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t steal it. I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Cheryle stopped talking to me, and Sammy took her side and stopped talking to me, too. I was in a class full of people who didn’t want to talk to me because those two people I loved the most turned my back on me. I was desparate for love but ended up unloveable.
When I moved to grade 8, I asked my father to change my class to a new one and he successfully did. I was so happy to be in a new environment. There I made friends with new people: Paula and Rita were my two close friends. They really loved me because I was an outstanding student, and my teacher made me into a class master. And he created a study group for me to teach, a group of 8 people, including Paula and Rita. They were really nice friends, but I’ve learned the lesson of being desparate for attention. I didn’t go to their houses or stay longer there. I simply went home and studied by myself. I just felt comfortable in my skin, being alone, doing my things. I no longer sacrifice my money, my time and my care for people who were not in my house. Those outside my house are always the one who can cut off relationship any time they want to. I’d rather keep my money for my food, keep the time for my studies, and keepy my care for myself.
I’m enough on my own. That’s when many people begin to love me. When I’m outstanding, independent, and smiley on my own, people never stop coming to me and want to play with me. The key to friendship is “no desparation.” I’m very happy on my own, and bold when they leave. They will always want to come back to a “happy” me.
